Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
