i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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