Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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