Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
