my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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