remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
