Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
