hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
