I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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