I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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