This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
