bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
