NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
