Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
