Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
