dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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