in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
