i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
