Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
