fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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