Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
