I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
