So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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