i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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