so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
