gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
