if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
