You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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