yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
