i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
