Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
