Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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