I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
