he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
