What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
