i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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