well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
