it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
