We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
