I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
