mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
