Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
