I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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