Having a random hookup so left but love u
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
