a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
