now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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