We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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