u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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