Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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