Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
